Yes, New Friends

Given a series of recent events in my life, I think it is appropriate to discuss the importance of being mindful of the people you surround yourself with. I truly believe that to be a form of self care. That being said, I have a funny story for you.

Once upon a time, a [not-so-young] woman (me) was simply living her most mediocre life, going to work every day, gym, and home. She minded her business, drank her water (lies), and moisturized. Every day was the same thing; super boring. Life actually hasn’t changed much for me, regardless of where you think this story is going. I really hope I didn’t get your hopes up.

Anyway, when you begin to encounter the same faces in your daily routine, you tend to form relationships with these people, and eventually develop what is called “adult friendships”.  These are relationships that form as a result of seeing the same people over and over in the same setting and discovering that you have similar schedules, interests, and/or intellectual capabilities after many (sometimes forced) conversations. These are my favorites, because depending on how you all cross paths, you understand the struggle of maintaining relationships as a progressive professional.

Ask me how my sister, my cousin and I ended up in the middle of the ocean on Miami Beach with this new bunch of “adult friends”. Go ahead, ask! I don’t have answers. But what I do know is that one day, we are all meeting up for drinks after the gym, the next we are meeting up on weekends and spending the entire day all together and taking the after party to people’s houses, jumping in their pools with our clothes on; and now? We are planning trips to travel and expand our palates (mostly domestically for now). I also found that they are reliable people; babysitting and giving rides to the token drunk friend, fronting the bill out of the kindness of their hearts, going out of their way to make sure they’re good hosts when they decide to entertain. I also feel that if I was in need of anything at all, I could call any one of them (or even their spouses) for help and not feel an ounce of vulnerability or shame.

I am never one to intentionally make friends. Many won’t believe me when I say this, but I am not a people person. I have always felt that I had become too old to be making new friends. But these people were different. These people are well rounded; these people have their own businesses and healthy relationships (from the outside, perspective at least) and had a thirst to explore the world… and investments, and religion, and culture, politics, and philosophy, and our collective favorite: Fireball whiskey. 

 I am in a stage in my life where I am extremely selfish regarding my time, finances, and emotional investments. I don’t mean that I disregard the needs of those around me, but if you’re not with me at this point, you’re against me. I am taking mental note of those who really support me. Let me tell you about the caliber friend that I try to be: when I have a friend who has a business, I try to buy from them and market them to my tiny little following. When I have a friend who is making positive strides in their personal or professional life, I am their biggest hype man. When in need; financially, economically, educationally, etc., I try to make the time and effort to give them any of my available resources. I gas my friends. After a while I noticed that I would do things for people who I questioned whether they’d show up for me. Thankfully I haven’t had to find out on a large scale; I never need them because of the incredible support system I have. That’s not the point, though! How many of my friends have shared my blog to others? I’ll do you one better; how many of my friends have ever read or acknowledged that I even have one? I’ve seen some go above and beyond for people who do nothing for them, some they just met, but for me? Meh. They don’t market for the event that my sister and I host, nothing. Sometimes it’s something as simple as giving a simple ‘like’ on Instagram, or follow up regarding a new venture in my life that I may have told them about previously.

There is a common misconception that we need to stay friends with the people we grew up with and have had around the longest. That idea is largely wrapped around the fact that these people may know too much, so if you were no longer friends you’d have to kill them. The truth to all of that is we all grow, and sometimes in separate directions, and THAT’S OKAY. Quite honestly, sometimes complete strangers are more encouraging and genuine than people who have been in your circle forever. That explains why my circle is more accurately described as a dot. [And if you know me, stop trying to guess who I am referencing; even though it doesn’t matter. Not like they’ll be reading this anyway. HA!]

Moral of the story: 

§  Have zero time for questionable people around you. We all have had friends who say they mean well but you question their genuine concern for your well-being. They may want to see you do well; just not better than them.

§  Stop supporting people who don’t do the same for you. Its not about tit for tat, its about the principle of the situation. You deserve reciprocal relationships.

§  Get yourself some well-rounded friends and people who enhance your life in ways you probably wouldn’t be able to do yourself. I am hungry for knowledge, and you should be too. By being around people with different life experiences, you learn perception sensitivity, empathy, and other fun facts that you probably didn’t know existed. 

But I still stay down for my day ones.