“Sounds Like It Must Really Suck to Be Single…”
Someone said this to my sister and me the other day and it’s been haunting my life ever since; the same way, “So wait, why are YOU single?” sits on my nerves. There is a difference between “Why are you single?” and “Why are YOU single?” Are you following?
There is a part of me that would like to take the sentiments of that question as a compliment, but the majority of my being would like to give the world the finger because so many of you asking me that question acknowledges that I am a catch (not to toot my own horn, but TOOT mf TOOT) but I am still clumped in a box with basics, gold-diggers, airheads, and Thotianas.
But wait, why are you single? Well if you’re not, disregard. But I feel like I am asked this question twice a month, at minimum. It is beginning to feel like I owe society an explanation, or need to prepare a thesis in APA format… maybe a PowerPoint presentation…?
So here; I will volunteer an attempt to answer the age-old inquiry on behalf of all the young, educated, established, intelligent, insert-adjective-here, black women like myself that stand alone like the cheese.
Let me start by saying I HATE THIS QUESTION; mainly because there is no real answer. I will try to narrow the many responses down to a few important bullet points.
Ok so, I like them brown, yellow, Puerto Rican or Haitian; most of whom do not have good conversation or plenty (if any) big faces. So don’t ask if I am super picky. Check my track record.
My singleness is my choice.
I am not single because nobody wants me. That is actually farthest from the truth. Many men want me, but in what way? (Don’t answer that… I already know). Based on my DMs, I’d like to think that I am a fairly attractive young woman. But getting to know me is often an afterthought. I offer too much to be an afterthought.
o One thing I will never do is settle for any old Joe Schmoe just for the sake of saying that I have them. I’m not that desperate yet.
The sea of accessible fish past 30 is legitimately a pond of guppies. Because we ladies outnumber men, somebody has already licked them and claimed them as theirs. Do you know what that creates for the rest of us? The mother freaking Hunger Games. The odds are just never in my favor.
The pond is even smaller when you consider the idea that black women are said to be the “least desirable” of all the races of women. You don’t have to look it up; I live it every day. I’m just going to sit that information riiiiiiight there as another topic for another day.
Speaking of past 30, the baggage that these men (or anyone past this age, unless you’re a unicorn like me) bring with them is just plain overwhelming. We are now often working with divorcees, kids, drama, stability issues, emotional unavailability, you name it. Not to say that you are any less of a good catch with those things considered, there are just a lot of fine lines to be considered when deliberating on what your deal breakers are.
Last but most certainly not least, the majority of men I have been coming across as of late offer little to no effort. I have wasted so many years on “zeroes” that either wanted all the relationship things life has to offer but no relationship, were trash altogether and had me questioning whether or not I was “riding” or just “dying”, or they had “potential” that they evidently have no intention of attaining. What is it with this generation of people who think “WYD” me to death is an actual conversation?
This is a very watered down version of all the things I could say, and they are not necessarily in any significant order. It just is what it is, though. Does it suck? ABSOLUTELY. Is it also awesome? ABSOLUTELY. Do I want you to hook me up with your single cousin, friend, brother, etc? Absolutely NOT. “Why not? He’s a good guy!” Well, friends, I am not a charity case, and whoever told you that two singles automatically need to be attracted to each other and link up just because they’re both single, LIED.
So anyway, if you’ve gotten this far in this post, you may realize that you’re one of 10,098,376 people who I’ve redirected here to read this, instead of risking my eyeballs getting stuck in the back of my head. Good day. :)
“You will never convince me that married people have more purpose in being alive than I do. You know who never asks me how dating is going? Single women.”
This article below wasn’t written by me, but describes this post perfectly.
https://www.refinery29.com/amp/en-us/2018/10/213027/single-in-your-30s-acceptan