If You Can't Respect That, Your Whole Perspective is Whack.

Ok let me start by saying this: I am by no means an active feminist, nor am I opposed to you calling me one. But in light of International Women’s Day having just passed and March being dedicated to us, there is a subject that seems to keep reoccurring that resonates with pretty much every woman I know. Including in and informing men about this conversation is imperative. It has been lighting my nerves up like a Christmas tree as of late.

Several years ago, someone I was dating at the time sexually abused me. Naturally, as we women are programmed to do, I blamed myself for the incident.  There were so many chances to change the course of that event, but here we are. After years of suppression and more recent emotional processing, I’ve found that what bothers me most about it all is that I did not identify it for what it was. In fact, it wasn’t until recently that I even spoke to anyone about it or regarded it as misconduct. And I am perturbed that I am still compelled to protect his identity, as if I should give a crap. 

I carried on a full relationship with him for some time afterward, which I attribute to insecurity and emotional damage (which is another topic for another post), and he apologized many, many times since. I’ve forgiven, but that apology doesn’t make it not a thing.

It’s almost as though there is some sort of brainwashed-based, unspoken code. Jordyn Woods was dead wrong for a number of decisions made in her situation with Tristan Thompson, but NO ONE is talking about him. All fingers are pointing to her. R. Kelly’s victims knew full well what they were doing, but were literal children and scientifically proven to not be fully developed in their prefrontal cortex to have been making such decisions, but yet people are so quick to point that out instead of the fact that Robert was a fully-grown, disgusting individual who knew better. Even my therapist told me that I emit some form of an aura that allows men to be inappropriate with me. Men who don’t know me from a can of paint, men who’ve worked alongside me, men who see me on the street (dolled up and dressed or looking like a bum), men I’ve never spoken a word to, etc. 

Excuse me??? Why are we not acknowledging when men are being gross? Once something of that nature goes down, everyone looks at the woman like, “What could she have done differently in that situation?”, and chalks the male behaviors to “boys will be boys”. Unacceptable.

If I had changed my clothes, my demeanor, my actions… if, if, if! Guess what. IT DOESN’T MATTER. There is never an excuse to cross boundaries, especially if she has articulated to you that she is uncomfortable. I have experienced harassment on different levels (as the vast majority of women in the world have) on a daily basis. What gives these men the right to feel free enough to do this?!  

Listen to the lyrics in music, present and past. Look at Mr. Grab-em-by-the-meow who is “running” our country.

FELLAS: how can we hold these men accountable for their actions? 

LADIES: its not you Sis, its them.